Getting Your Tween To Talk To You!

It can be so funny to watch our tweens and teens have these amazing conversations online and via text, but completely go silent when you start talking to them! It can also be frustrating!

Let me share with you four tips you can use to get your tween to talk to you and it not feel like pulling teeth!

No time to watch the video? Check out the transcript below.

Do you have a tween or a teen who is great talking to everyone on the Internet and on the phone, but when it’s one on one, all of a sudden everything goes null and they don’t say anything to you? Well in today’s video we’ll be talking about how to get your kid to talk to you. Let’s jump right in.

If you’re a parent, then you know how difficult it is some times to get your kids to talk to you. Sometimes they’ll talk to about the most mundane things and sometimes they will come to you with big stuff. But a lot of the time trying to get them to get engaged in conversation with you can be really difficult.

So in this video I’m going to give you four tips that you can use to start to bridge that gap between having a one-sided conversation with just you and yourself to actually having your kid talking to you in a more engaging way.

Four tips to getting your child to talk to you: create a safe space, be consistent in talking with them, no lectures, and get on their level.

Create A Safe Space

The first way that you could do that is to create a safe space. You want to create space where your kid can just come and talk, there’s no agenda, there is no judgment, there’s nothing that needs to be resolved or solved. When your kid gets really used to know what they can just come to you and talk and nothing is going to happen, they are not going to get in trouble, punished, judged or told all this advice. They’ll get more in the habit of coming to you and just talking.

Create a safe space – free of fix-it solutions – where you child knows they can talk to you.

Be Consistent

The second way that you can really help bring engaging conversations between you and your child is to actually do it more consistently. What do I mean by that? Talk to your kids all the time, whether they want to be talking to you or not; talk to them about your day talk or talk to them about a TV show you guys have been watching. Talk to them about something that’s going on in the community or talk to them about something that’s going on in the world. But, just really get into the habit of just talking to your kids. And, you don’t always have to focus the conversation on them, but just talk in general. You don’t have an agenda, or have any kind of ideas about what you’re saying. When they see that you’re being really free, open, and that you have a variety of interest that you’re willing to talk about your kids will actually come to you to talk about their interest as well. It’s a win-win right?

Get in the habit of talking to your child all the time – about mundane things and about things that interest you too.

Don’t Lecture

The third tip that you can use to get your kids talking to you is talk to them in a way that’s nonjudgmental and non-advice giving. I talked about that in the first and second tip. But it’s really important to be a tip on its own. When our kids come to us, they are coming to us because they’ve decided that you’re the person they want to talk to. When you go right into advice giving, or you go right into judgments, or right into trying to find a solution, you don’t give your kids the space to really figure out what’s going on for them. You want to hold the space for them in a way that says, “I’m listening, I’m here. Do you want me to give you advice? Do you want to just rant? Do you want mom to kind of help you with this problem at all?” When your kids get used to you just talking to them – just listening to them – they’re more inclined to come to with things from the mundane as well as with things that are really big.  So you definitely want to have this kind of aura of not judging your child, not going right into advice giving, not going right solving the problem for them. It will make them feel like it’s a dual relationship is a dual kind of two-way conversation as opposed to it just being about you being the parent them being the kid.

When you go right into advice giving you take away the space your child needs to figure it out on their own.

Talk On Their Level

The fourth way that you can really begin to have your kid engaged with you and have a great lively open conversation with your kids is to actually talk to them on their level. If you notice that your kids love to text and love to be online, sharing memes and sharing photos, you can engage in that type of communication with them as well. It doesn’t have to be your sole way of communicating but if you know your kid likes texting, text them back during the day. If you know your kid likes cute memes or cute images that you can post on their social media profiles, do that. Again the idea that you want to talk to him in a natural way, you don’t want to make them feel like they can only talk to you the way you like to and take no consideration for how they communicate! You just want to be this natural kind of flow of conversation, so that way when big things happen, it does feel like this tug-of-war try to pull things out of them, because you’re used to how they talk, you are used to the ways in which they engage and you guys will doing it consistently.

Get on their level of communication so that way when big things happen it does feel like this tug-of-war try to pull things out of them.

So let’s recap. The four ways that you can begin to get your kid to start talking to you more and be more opened and engaging in that conversation:

  1. Create a safe space where they know they can come to you and they’re not going to be judged and you’re not going to solve all their problems for them.
  2. Have normal conversations with them consistently; talk to them all the time and not just about their stuff but about your stuff too. Talk about the things that interest you, talk about the things that excite you.
  3. Do not jump right into advice giving, but rather ask them if they just want to rant or if they really want some help on that problem. That lets them feel like they are in control the conversation as well and that is a two-way conversation.
  4. Get on your kid’s level. Talk to them in ways that they engage normally. Text them if they like texting, be on there social media profile if they like that. But really engage with them at their level.

It can be a frustrating and daunting process to get your tween or teen to talk to you, but use these tips and set the foundation for your child knowing that they can come to you! Make it a daily practice to engage your child in conversation and don’t be hard on yourself when a talk doesn’t go as you expected!

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