Learning Your Family’s Love Language

Learning our family’s love language can really enhance and strengthen the relationships we have with each other! Although the original concept of love languages was created for couples, the idea that we all have specific ways that we like to give and receive love is present in all the relationships we have!

Want to take the quizzes I mentioned in the video? Scroll down to the bottom of this post.

No time to watch the video? Read the transcript below.

The 5 love languages is a concept, and book, that was created by Dr. Gary Chapman. In his original books, he was talking about how couples give and receive love based on five core love languages that we all have. However, he’s expanded that concept to also include children and teenagers.

In today’s video, I wanted to really talk about what those five love languages are and how you and your family can begin to understand each other’s love language, so that you can really create that foundation to your relationship that, as I always talk about, helps us to deal with discipline, helps to deal with behaviors, helps us to deal with conflicts and helps us to really enjoy spending time with each other.

Quality Time

The first love language is quality time. Now, we’ve all heard about that concept and we know that when we spend quality time with one another that really helps us to really build our bonds together and to feel really comfortable with each other. So if someone in your family’s love language is quality time, that means they like to give their love and show their love by spending time with you and taking some time just to have quality time together. They also feel love when people spend quality time with them.

The love language of quality time includes being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.

Words of Affirmation

The second love language is words with affirmation. In this love language it goes beyond praise but it goes into this idea of really understanding how to give love in words and in the ways that we speak to each other. If someone in your family or yourself has words of affirmation as their main love language, what they crave is to give love by saying positive things to each other or letting other people know that you love them. You might say things like “I love you,” “I really appreciate what you’re doing,” or other similar phrases. It also means that you also feel love, when people give you words of affirmation. So when others in your family let you know that they appreciate you by their words or by the affirming phrases that they use. I think this is really important love language to realize because you could be doing other things for your child or your partner, but if they really feel like hearing the words of affirmation being spoken to them this is the way that they feel love from you.

The love language of words of affirmation include spoken words of love, praise, positive affirmations, and appreciation.

Acts of Service

The third love language is acts of service service. These can be sometimes misconstrued as giving in to somebody or do everything for them. But if someone in your family – whether it be you or your child or your spouse – has the love language that is primarily acts of service, it doesn’t mean that you have to always do things for them. It also means that’s how they show love to other people. They may show love by doing the dishes for you even though it was not their night or bringing home dinner on a night when you feel really tired and didn’t want to cook tonight. Or just doing something positive for you that you didn’t ask for but they felt like they wanted to do it for you. So when we get love to someone whose main love language is acts of service, it’s really important to think, “I don’t always have to do for them, even though I know that that is how they accept and receive love. But I also need to be able to receive when they do small acts of service for me as well.”

The love language of acts of service includes doing simple tasks that take things off their to-do list or positively accepting when they complete a task for you.

Receiving  Gifts

The fourth love language is receiving gifts. If someone in your family has that love language, let’s break that down a little bit. I know that this one can be a kind of controversial love language where it’s like, “I’m not always going to be buying somebody something to show them that I love them.” Whoever in your family – maybe your kids, maybe your spouse – has the primary love language of receiving gifts the idea that they like to be receive things that have been thought about and given with love. It could be you went to the bookstore and you thought of a book that they would love; it could be that you were out somewhere shopping and you saw a little trinket and thought they would really like this. But, it doesn’t have to be a big, grandiose thing like an Xbox game system or a diamond ring; it can even be something homemade that wanted to make for them and give it to them. When someone has the love language of receiving gifts and it also means they like to express their love by giving others gifts as well. For example, you may get little gifts from our kids – like they might bring a flower home on their way home from school. Or from our spouse, they might bring home a newspaper article they feel like they really wanted you to see. The bottom line is that it doesn’t always have to be about these grandiose, expensive gifts, it could just be the thought behind why you’re bringing that gift or why you’re bringing that trinket to the person that really helps them to feel like someone loves me and this is how I receive love in my language.

The love language of receiving gifts includes gifts or trinkets that you give with love and thoughts about how the other person will feel great about getting it.

Physical Touch

The last love language is physical touch. Physical touch can be really controversial for people who don’t really like to hug or don’t like to touch. You can kind of assume that’s probably not their love language. But, if you have someone in your family who really likes to be close to you, to cuddle, to hug you, or touch you on the hand – you can assume that person’s love language is physical touch. And just like with all the other love languages, it doesn’t have to be grandiose big shows of affection. This person can feel love from a light touch, where you touch them on the hand; you might hold their hands when you are out in public; you might give them a hug, when you see them. Or when you’re sitting together watching TV, whether it be with your kids or with your spouse, just sitting close to them, so that way they know you are there. Someone who has this love language also likes to express love by giving people hugs or touching people in light ways. So that way they can feel like they are giving love to you in this way.

The love language of physical touch includes being close to someone through touch – whether a tactile display or just by being physically close to someone.

One of the reasons why I really appreciate the concept of the 5 love languages is because when we get really serious about understanding the people in our lives, especially in our family, especially in our parenting, it really helps us to understand how we give and receive love. It explains why when you gave someone a gift they didn’t love as much but when you give them a hug they felt like the world had just opened up for them. It let’s us know how each persons in our family gives and receives love. Each of these love languages teaches us who we are, how we like to receive love, and how we like to feel love. But it also teaches us how that person likes to give love and express their love for other people.


I really encourage you to take the quizzes and to really understand how your family shows love, how they receive love, and how they feel love. Each of the quizzes is specific to adults, kids, and teens. And even thought this can be great for Valentine’s Day, it just doesn’t have to be a holiday about spouses and gifts and dinner. It could also be a holiday where we show our love for our family. We show that intimate relationship to our family members and say, “Hey, I love you and I’m going to show love to you in that way that makes you feel love and makes you feel accepted.”

Use the quizzes below to find out your family’s love language! For your children, send the link to them so they can take it themselves! This can be a great family activity to do and to discuss together!

Quiz for Parents

Quiz for Kids

Quiz for Teens

**The 5 Love Languages, the summaries of each love language, and the concept of The 5 Love Languages is from The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.**


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